Conflicted

There’s the part of me that’s good. I’m kind to strangers, offer assistance without hesitation or expectation and do what I believe is right in almost all circumstances. I’m honest, loyal, hardworking and driven toward the “larger good”.
I’m the good girl. The kind that takes care of friends and family when they are sick, the kind that does good even when no one’s looking. I like being what most people consider good. It makes me feel worthy of respect, admiration and love.

But why do I do it? Am I good because I believe that’s what other people want? Is it about being noticed or simply wanting to avoid untoward attention. Or am I even good at all?

There’s also a part of me that’s bad. The one who wants to eat the last cookie, the one who wants to be really selfish, the one that likes dark twisty content in books and movies, the one who wants to flirt shamelessly with charming people, the list goes on…

It’s like the good part represents for societal expectation sake (the good shoulder angel) and the bad part is who I try really hard to ignore (the bad shoulder angel).

So then who am I besides the rift between the good and the bad? I wonder everyday.

It’s kind of like the fable about wolves… the one you feed is the one that survives. My problem is that both of my wolves are hungry.

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